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WHY ARE SOME MEN MORE ISOLATED WHEN DEALING WITH GRIEF?

DR. JAN NEWMAN

In my clinical practice, I work with many men and women who are struggling with trauma, grief, and loss. My clients are successful, driven, intelligent, and incredibly inspiring.

Sadly, many of my male clients report struggling with being able to express more difficult emotions about grief and loss with their partners and families.

Recently, I was asked by Virginia Pelley at Fatherly to comment about how grief can be misunderstood in men causing them to feel lonely and isolated and why this needs to change.

Check out the article HERE.

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Read more about our some of our psychologists’ approaches to treating traumatic distress and PTSD, vicarious trauma, and trauma treatment.

Dr. Newman is a certified therapist and supervisor for Trauma-Focused CBT (TF-CBT) in children and adolescents and trained in TF-CBT at the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center Center for Child Abuse and Neglect and OU Children’s Hospital and School of Medicine.

Dr. Newman and some of our other psychologists are also trained in using prolonged exposure therapy (PE) with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive processing therapy.

In our online therapy practice, we offer a variety of mental health services. We work with high-performing professionals and their families including lawyers, entrepreneurs, and many more. We primarily work with adults but also work with older teens, college, and professional students so long as we believe online therapy fits their needs. We provide treatment for anxiety, stress and burnout, ADHD, depression, trauma, vicarious trauma, and life transitions. Please contact our office and request an appointment to hear about the many ways we can help you thrive and be successful at work and home.

Read more: Setting Boundaries: A Pathway to Compassion

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  • Social norms reward men for stoicism and self-reliance, so many default to silence, problem-solving, or anger rather than sharing sadness—shrinking the support they receive. Studies also note loneliness is common after bereavement and can be pronounced for some men.

  • It’s common and expected early on; many people feel isolated even when supported. Watch for loneliness that persists and worsens alongside grief symptoms (sleep issues, withdrawal, hopelessness)—that combination can predict poorer outcomes and deserves care. 
  • Grief can raise blood pressure, disturb sleep, and affect immune and cardiovascular systems—so fatigue, chest tightness, stomach upset, and frequent colds aren’t unusual. Prioritize medical check-ins if symptoms escalate.

  • Keep it brief and concrete: “I’m having a hard day. A walk would help—no advice needed.” Asking directly for company or a task (drive, coffee, yard work) is a low-pressure way to reconnect. Guidance from grief orgs: ask for what you need; specific, practical help works. 
  • Often, yes. Peer groups designed for men normalize emotion, reduce isolation, and make it easier to speak plainly. National Widowers’ Organization and similar networks exist specifically for men. 
  • Evidence shows bereavement groups can modestly reduce grief/depression, and online modalities can reduce isolation and offer safe expression—useful stepping stones when one-to-one talk feels hard.
  • Assume pain—not disinterest. Lead with validation, offer concrete options (“walk or coffee?”), and ask what helps right now; needs change over time. Avoid fixing; stay present and consistent. 
  • If intense yearning/preoccupation and impairment persist beyond 12 months in adults (6 months in children), consider PGD—an official diagnosis in DSM-5-TR. Early, steady connection may help reduce isolation that raises PGD risk. 
  • Try a low-talk connection (walk, project, gym), schedule one peer or group, and set a weekly check-in with someone safe. If symptoms interfere with work, sleep, or relationships, add grief-literate therapy. (NAMI lists local options.)
  • Keep it simple and specific: “I’m here. Can I bring dinner Tuesday or go for a 20-minute walk?” Avoid generic scripts if you can; ask permission to check in again later—continuity matters. 
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