DR. JAN NEWMAN
I am a psychologist and a coach. Although being a coach, in most states, requires no certification or specialized training, a clinical psychologist must be certified to be a coach to comply with state requirements. So, even though I had a PhD in clinical psychology with thousands of hours in specialized training and supervision and was a former attorney and professor in a doctoral program in psychology, my Board informed me that I had to have a 40-hour coaching certification to be able to know the difference between coaching and psychology.
Ok, so that’s a thing? Sure. I love to learn. Clearly.
One of the things that I found so interesting (and frustrating) in my coach training was how they described the difference between coaching and therapy. The message was that: therapy is about the past and pathology while coaching was about the present and performance. Simple as that.
Really?
I really tried to be quiet and just get through this part. Implicit in their argument was that past behavior and experiences was irrelevant. Yet given that I spent many more hours studying behavioral analysis and neuroscience then Freud who was a blip in one of my systems books, I eventually had to speak up.
When the trainer finally called on me, I did all the good communication stuff – reflect, affirm, and validate – and then I just dropped the bomb of this scientific fact.
“The past is always present.”
What I meant is that our memories and prior learning history inform our expectations and often dictate our decision making whether we like it or not . . . unless we learn to master the skill of self-awareness.
Decision science is fascinating yet the first rule is that we’ve got a whole lot working against our making truly intentional decisions:
In a Ted Talk, Daniel Kahnman discusses the conflict between experience and memory. He describes the difference and the conflict between the part of us that remembers and the part of us that experiences and observes.
We chase things that family or society says we should want (earning more and more money) even though it does not improve our happiness and often contributes to our suffering. We kill ourselves to take expensive vacations because that’s what our families did or that’s what others do even though they don’t help and short ones actually do (and the research does support this).
We avoid the things that matter to us (hugging our partner, speaking up with a supervisor) if we’ve had a past experience that made us feel uncomfortable/
I am a psychologist and a coach. Although being a coach, in most states, requires no certification or specialized training, a clinical psychologist must be certified to be a coach to comply with state requirements. So, even though I had a PhD in clinical psychology with thousands of hours in specialized training and supervision and was a former attorney and professor in a doctoral program in psychology, my Board informed me that I had to have a 40-hour coaching certification to be able to know the difference between coaching and psychology.
Ok, so that’s a thing? Sure. I love to learn. Clearly.
One of the things that I found so interesting (and frustrating) in my coach training was how they described the difference between coaching and therapy. The message was that: therapy is about the past and pathology while coaching was about the present and performance. Simple as that.
Really?
I really tried to be quiet and just get through this part. Implicit in their argument was that past behavior and experiences was irrelevant. Yet given that I spent many more hours studying behavioral analysis and neuroscience then Freud who was a blip in one of my systems books, I eventually had to speak up.
When the trainer finally called on me, I did all the good communication stuff – reflect, affirm, and validate – and then I just dropped the bomb of this scientific fact.
Humans do what works. And what works does not mean what works for our peace and happiness. It means what works for us to follow the default rule of human existence:
Avoid pain at all costs.
If we are on auto-pilot and not making intentional decisions based on our values, we will always take the path of least resistance and perceived escape.
Unfortunately, most of the things that give us the greatest joy and fulfillment are rife with pain: love (grief and loss), reward (risk), and life (death).
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a flexible and sustainable alternative to avoidance.
Memory:
Story:
Values in Core Life Domains:
Decision making based on Values:
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